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| 02:27pm 02/09/2007 |
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I have been censored. So censored that I'm not even able to explain why. |
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| Most beautiful x-mas song I ever heard |
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| 07:16am 18/12/2006 |
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When My Heart Finds Christmas
By: Harry Connick Jr.
In my eyes are valentines
And Easter eggs and New Year's wine
But when my heart finds Christmas
My eyes will shine like new
All the days are kind to me
But fall too far behind to see
But when my heart finds Christmas
I hope it finds you too
Let the angels sing around us
Christmas time is here
Let our children's love surround us
Laughing and filled with cheer
My heart told me once before
To find my dream and search no more
And when my heart finds Christmas
I hope it finds you too |
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| Not happy |
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| 05:22pm 05/10/2006 |
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I might be losing one of my bestfriends tonight. That's not settling too well with me. My intuition tells me something is going to change dramatically before the end of this night. I'm feeling uneasy. |
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| Roxsy Tyler: Something Sinister |
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| 03:18am 04/10/2006 |
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Once upon a time there was a young author who created a character based on an alter ego she created years ago...
The young author put her vision of this character into words and created a series of stories based on that character and all the dream scenerios that came along with it.
Once upon a time there was a young film maker searching for that certain creative something he could make his baby, his own, something dark and overly eccentric that he could make into a film. For awhile that something seemed non-existant...until he picked up that young author's book.
It's magical! It's like fate!
Roxsy Tyler's Something Sinister written by muah, Carmela Hayslett, will go from the page to the screen. Thanks to Johnnie. We may start shooting this November. I'm excited. Someone thinks I'm a genius! I never dreamed that there was someone out there who had the same particular vision as I do.
I saw some of the script tonight. Johnnie said he wants this story told on film exactly as it is told in the book. The script isn't so different from the book at all. He said I'm making his job easy because I wrote such a descriptive story.
Let's give it a shot. |
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| Book Launch Party 2006 |
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| 04:12pm 20/09/2006 |
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It was fantastic! I didn't sell as many books as I hoped, Out of 100 people only 60 showed up, and the fundraising didn't reach it's goal, but still I couldn't of asked for better night. The most wonderful and supportive friends I have were all in attendance and they were what made the night for me.
My favorite moment was before the party even started. Earlier that day, George sent out a mass text message to everyone he knows, stating for everyone to meet at his house and then provided the address to my party. When I got to the party, Chuck was the first one I saw. He and Jess were out in the parking lot. When I came outside to smoke a cigg, a line of eight or nine cars pulled into the parking lot, all full of my friends/Travia Fanatics. I felt like such a rockstar!
Everyone was in great spirits. I was overwhelmed entirely but it was a great feeling. I got about 40 signatures for my petition to get the book in stores.
The stage was small but perfect. Through the entire party the band and a group of people were setting up. I loved hearing the sound checks and practicing as I strolled around and socialized. Matt had been telling me all week that he and the boys have been really giving it their all at practice just for me. They went all out for this one.
I met a lot of people for the first time that night. There were a few random people there from myspace who loved the first book. One of them (Kao) helped me edit this version of the book. They were all really cool. None of them knew anyone at the party so they all sat at one table together and made friends with each other. Awesomeness! They told me they weren't disappointed when they finally met me in person. There was another person I met for the first time that I had been talking to via e-mail for weeks. I met him on a dating site. He was the only one who interested me. He was a hit at my party. My friends stole him, but I didn't mind. I was nervous enough in general about everything that was going on around me. Kate, Brian, Vince, Josh, and a few others got to talk to him more than I did haha.
Travia and all the people I met through them were the first group of people to show up at the party. Within an hour later, everyone I've ever known before I was a published author walked through the door.
The finale was grand. The band was almost done setting up and Chuck called me over, "In about 60 seconds get on the mic and introduce us," he said. I eventually made it to the stage and Little Meg and I started a Travia Chant to hype the crowd up. I think Meg and Dennis were the most enthusiastic people there. Everyone was hype but them two bounce off the walls. I love it. Outside Dennis gave me a hug on camera and said, "I love Mama Kin. This bitch owns me!"
This was a special performance by Travia. Prior to this party the band agreed to take a break and to work on some new songs. They've been gone since May and aren't coming back until they have a demo. George even told me there was no one else they would have came back for except me. The boys had been excited about this all week and they had the oppertunity to introduce their new sound in my spotlight. They were amazing!!!!!!!!! They were awesome before but this time they literally blew me away!
They started off with their new song "headache" completely new sound for them. The second song was "Pass Times" one of the old favorites that I kept requesting. Julian did the pancakes song. They did about nine songs all together. As much as I miss Chris (former guitarist) I must admit that Ryan is amazing!
They caught me offguard once. "This is a song that we wrote before we were even a band in 1990, before some of you were even born and..." Chuck said. George shouted, "Some fuckers stole it!" "And someone stole it from us, so...we're going to play it," Chuck finished. I couldn't believe it. They did "I want it that way" by the Backstreet Boys. It sounded amazing though, especially with Ryan's guitar riff. Even Frank was singing it the next day ha!
Funny story. Travia has converted my Frank Sinatra-loving Grandmother into metal. My grandmother was headbanging right along side me and Little Meg. She swore she hated heavy music. She was standing next to me and she said, "Why don't you date this guy...the guy in the red shirt. He's really handsome." I shook my head at my grandmother. "I did, Grandma. He DUMPED ME! In DECEMBER!" I shouted. She frowned and then went up on stage to give him a hug. She has a crush on him. "Call me!" Chuck said to her. I honestly thought my grandmother would be all over George, but she was all over Chuck. My MOM is the one who is always all over George.
"Let's finish strong guys," Julian said into the microphone. "This is one we'e going to dedicate straight to Carmela," Chuck said. It was "Enter sandman" by Metallica featuring Dennis as a guest vocalist, just like at the Holiday Inn when they'd do the song with Odium and Breaking the Silence. I even went up on stage and sang with Dennis. It was amazing.
Amazing night. Amazing. My friends are wonderful. I'm a little bummed that some people didn't show up and I'm bummed that the media didn't cover any of it but all the people I love dearly were there and they played a big part in making it a night no one will ever forget. |
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| Haha |
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| 02:35pm 01/09/2006 |
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Dysfunctional friendships are fun. Not the kind where a relationship between two friends is in ruins over large amounts and dumb amounts of drama. I mean the kind of dysfunctional relationship between two friends where the things they do is what they consider normal but what the rest of the world would totally stand back and say, "You people are fuckin' weird!"
That's why it's fun. And yes, we are weird. |
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| Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. |
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| 01:22am 30/08/2006 |
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Everything is going wrong. Just fuckin' wrong!
Can something not go wrong for once?
Fate should find a new puppet to fuck with.
Maybe if I was drunk or high I'd be happier.
I hate marijuana.
Getting drunk is hard.
Is there any happiness to be found? |
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| Liberation |
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| 11:15am 10/08/2006 |
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I gathered that what is going on in my head is always a lot better than what goes on before my eyes. I love being around people. Years ago, being "social" wasn't even a possibility. Look how far I've come. The feeling of togetherness is my favorite feeling in all the world. Still, as content as I could be in a crowd...I still feel like I'm looking at everything and everyone through a window.
One more week and I'll be working again. Work is the only thing I can control. I'll get to see my brand-new and re-done book next week and I can't wait. I have to see it before I go ahead with the rest of my plans. I have to make sure the publisher didn't mess up again. The merchandise came in for it though, the pens and the teddy bears, they're perfect. Advanced copies of my book are being sold at authorhouse.com right now.
It's funny. After all of this waiting only now I feel like I'm not ready for this. I didn't feel like that last year at my first book launch. The pressure is on and I love it. One more week and then non-stop working for an entire month. Setting up the promotional contests, spreading the word, planning the party, sending invites, setting up the website, and there's a 50/50 chance I'll be working with the media this time around. Every newspaper, radio station, and tv station in this city is being contacted for this party.
Am I ready? Not sure. I think the question is...are they ready? |
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| I'm in love |
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| 07:20am 03/08/2006 |
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With V!
That character's persona is amazing. Figures I find my Mr. Right in damn movie! Why do I have to be real?
In other news I know it either today or soon...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHILLIP! |
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Read 5 - Post |
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| 03:39pm 01/08/2006 |
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I just made seven sloppy joe sandwiches and now I'm not even hungry.
Someone come over and eat them for me. |
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| And nothing more. |
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| 11:30pm 31/07/2006 |
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I'm just a fool and that is all I'll ever be.
I have an imagination too big for a world so small...for minds so small.
It takes a lot of courage to speak your mind even when you know no one is listening.
I think the hardest thing to do is give up hope for something you've been wanting since you can remember. When reality hits I know what I want is not logical and that only magic would have made it happen. To dream, to love, to be free...when were these things ever logical? You hope, you fall, you stand, and you hope so more. What to do? Let your hope follow you to the grave and spend eternity still waiting for something that simply isn't there or give up now and die a faithless cynic? The choice is yours. The choice is mine.
I'm just a fool who believe in something more than what I had. |
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| Back to business |
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| 03:49pm 06/07/2006 |
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Got my business cards today. They're neat, but they're the cheap ones I got to hold me over until I get my pro ones done. So now, instead of carrying around copies of my book I can just give people my business card and they can check out the site and decide if they want the book.
The new carmelahayslett.com is coming along nicely. It's not done and I never have time to get it done, but whatever. Pressure is my friend when it is work-related.
The re-release of the book will be done in less than two weeks. I have to make a logo and order merchandise for the book launch. About 90 percent of the merchandise is going to be free with purchase of the newer version of the book. Buy the book you get a Big Boots and Black Hair Dye pen, bookmark, possibly some stickers. Anyone who actually bought the originally book is getting the new one for half price and anyone who joins the launch crew to help me with the party gets comped a copy of the new book. I'm taking donations again for charity, making some merchandise that you can buy and the proceeds go to charity. It's so much work and it's really cutting a hole in my pocket.
I already have ideas for a new book. I wanted to write the Martin Wolfpack novel that I've dreamed I've writing since I was five. I'm leaning towards another idea though. "Talking to Mark" the novel-length version of "Motorcycle Dreams." It's very personal, very true, and it would be the perfect tribute to my uncle.
My 4th of July was awesome. I went out shopping and bowling with Karen earlier in the day and then she came back with me to help me clean out my basement for the party.
Lots of people came to my party. I didn't even bother to invite people who I knew wouldn't come or people who aren't comfortable around people. Rob has a social problem but he came anyway. He came just for me. Half of Travia came (George, Chris, and Julian), Heather and Paul, Brian and Jimmy, Melissa and Steve, Amanda and her cousin, Colleen, Nikki, Carolyn, some others. It was really fun. Steve cooked on the grill, I left my acoustic with Chris, and Steve, Julian, and Chris blew my fireworks up for me. Chris was stressing so I let him light the biggest one.
Midway into the party I noticed that Rob was gone. Melissa, Heather, a few other people walked me around to look for him. I was getting mad as hell. I can't believe he ditched me at my own party. I was so miserable and upset--I thought my holiday was ruined. He didn't even say goodbye. Melissa was drunk and kept repeating, "never bring sand to the beach" over and over lol.
I was sitting out back with everyone and they were all trying to make me feel better. Chris started fucking with me.
"That guy was awesome. He just sat there and didn't say anything," Chris said.
"He left without saying goodbye to her," Carolyn told him.
"I know! That's awesome! I love him!" Chris said.
I didn't take that to heart. I know when Chris is kidding. Rob finally text me back and said he left because his mom called and his grandmom had a stroke. "I said that to get out of work once. My grandmom was already gone for awhile," Heather said. I know Rob hates being around people and that he has social anxiety really bad, but he could have said goodbye. So, I left my party for a bit and went into the basement. Colleen came in and gave me a hug. When Colleen left, Chris came in and offered to have a sit down with me.
I was surprised that Chris was being so nice and understanding. He saw the situation logically from both sides. He said Rob did come to the party and at least I have that much. He cared enough to show up in the first place and if he isn't taken me seriously than whatever because I'm pretty, I'm smart, I have a lot going for me. Chris said all this. He was being amazingly supportive. He said he thinks Rob is way passed making up excuses and that it's not the case here. Then Chris let me talk to him about Frank and Chuck and even then he was still amazingly supportive. Chris told me I should call Chuck. Lots of people told me I should because it's just ridiculous that we haven't really been talking to each other. I said I was too scared too though. Chuck always comes off like he's too busy. One day I'll try. Chuck didn't show up at the party but his girlfriend text me to say Happy 4th of July. I like his girlfriend. She's a good person. But yeah, I'm so grateful Chris, Colleen, and Melissa were there for me when Rob left. I have good friends.
The night finally came and we were shooting off fireworks. I was on the video camera and I left Melissa in charge of pictures. Julian was shooting off some rounds of jumping jacks and Carolyn screamed, "Carmela! Turn around!" from across the driveway. I was baffled. I backed up to get a better shot and I bumped into Rob! He came back! I gave him a big hug and then looked to Carolyn, George, Chris, Melissa, they all just grinned. That was awesome! It was like a movie moment. So, yeah, my 4th of July was pretty amazing. |
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| Pictures from the past few days |
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| 03:20pm 06/07/2006 |
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Karen came in from New York and we went exploring like we always do. We went to Eastern State Penitentary again because Karen and I are deeply infatuated with it, we went to an 18th century garden in Center City, South Street, the Franklin Institute, Franklin Court, and Brian came along and brought us to Fort Mifflin. Awesome awesome way to start off the month!
I miss Karen already, but she'll be here for the book launch. I hope to see all of my friends at the book launch because it warms my heart to have everyone's support. I hope all the people I was ever there for walks through that door and supports me. It means a lot and I always return the favor. Isn't it odd that the only person who goes siteseeing with me is from New York? |
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| La De Daaaa |
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| 01:33pm 01/07/2006 |
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I'm pretty upset. I'm supposed to have a huge 4th of July Shin-dig at my house on Tuesday and it's supposedly going to rain and be shitty outside. FUCK! I have hundreds of dollars in fireworks in my room that I've been itching to blow up.
Probably going to Penn's Landing today. Not too crazy about that, but it's the only thing to do when Karen gets in from New York. I wanted to go to Franklin Court because I've never been there (Karen and I go tour hopping and sightseeing in Center City when she's here) but everything closes at 5pm.
We're going to Fort Mifflin tomorrow. Karen's never been there. I've been there three times. I went twice when I was in elementry school because I was in Golden Attitude like every good girl in Thomas Holme was. I went the third time with my parents. I wanted my mom to come with me and Karen but God Forbid if I ask her to do something with me and get out once in awhile.
Eastern State Penitentary again on Monday. |
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| Pictures |
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| 01:35pm 29/05/2006 |
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Karen and I were ALL over Philly on Friday and Saturday. Poe's House, South Street, Eastern State Penitentary, and the Art Museum.
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| Spare some change |
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| 02:38pm 13/05/2006 |
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I always knew that I had obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to spare change but it's really bad today. I've searched all over my house for lonely coins who need a home. I know, I'm weird.
I like jars and whatever full of coins for some reason. I want to have banks and jars full of change stashed all over my room.
I must seek out more change!!!!
I have something that looks like an urn almost full. I need change for my Harley Davidson jar, my little chinese flower pot, and my pirate skeleton bank, which I have two of now because I got one for Frank but his girlfriend told him not to talk to me anymore. Yeah, we're hardly friends anymore now. He and I are on good terms but when I say "good terms" it always seems to mean that Carmela gets dicked over and everyone else is happy at her expense.
I want my expense in change. Give me some. |
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| Hellberstien's Carnival |
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| 09:30am 13/05/2006 |
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"You thought there was nothing left to believe in but if that were true, you wouldn’t have started fighting in the first place." -Marco the Magician
The book is coming out very well. It's been a long time since I wrote something I was that passionate about. I literally feel like I'm in the story and even just writing it is holding my interest.
I wanted a darker story with totally demonic and insane characters, but I also wanted it to be something people could relate too. Many people can't relate to real-life horror. So, instead, the Roxsy Tyler characters are completely eccentric but loveable. You get a good sense of friendship and family between the protagonists of this book.
"Oh, Roxsy, how I loved you...how many other men could have offered you oblivion?" -Brandon the Baron
Most of the story actually takes place in Philly. It's almost like a modern day action/adventure. Sword fights on south street, war between carnies, hate-driven rivalries.
I'm very proud of the action sequences in the Roxsy Tyler saga. I don't know if they surpass the action sequences in "The Young Wolfpack" but they might. I also like the perceptions of Roxsy and the character of Brandon the Baron. You can tell their trying to be knights and super heroes, and something completely impossible and superior.
I gave Melissa the run down on her character and most of the story plot. She got so excited and said she couldn't wait. Her character's shiny moment is when she puts Matt Hatter in his place and gets him chased by a mob of angry girls. Haha! Melissa loved that so much!
"Just remember that when you’ve lost everything you suddenly have everything to gain.'-Roxsy Tyler |
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